Sometimes, we just have to admit defeat and succumb to the pain that defeat brings upon us and that's exactly what happened to me this past week. Defeat is just a feeling that none of us wants to feel but at one point in our lives, we just have to accept it because we all experience defeat. For some reason, I felt that I was defeated by many things last week... by things that I do not and cannot control. Of all things, I just hate things that I cannot control because I cannot do something about it. One day, I just felt that there's nothing that I can do and I begun assessing my life and blaming it to random events in my life until I just felt tired and unhappy. I had to do a lot of projects but I just end up not being excited about anything. I was not even excited to do shopping and I end up eating ice cream for two straight days. I went to the gym just to ran for twenty minutes. I felt that endorphines are not and will no longer be reproduced again even if I ran for 2 hours. I felt that I lost my passion to do things. I don't even enjoy watching tv. I just watched tv so that the silence won't deafen me. I would even dine alone in our house or not eating at all. I started moving on when I decided to go out with my friends even if I lost the energy to do so. After letting all my feelings out, I just realized that despite things being uncontrollable, there is always something that I can do to make things better for me. I may have done something crazy but here's what I know, I will not regret that, I still respect myself, although I lost 5% and I feel that I am again in control of something again. I am just trying to see the positive in things. I am now starting to work on my painting again and writing on my blog and fixing my sched. For the next few days, there are a lot of catching up to do so there will be no OT's, post-shift shopping and hanging out at the mall. I have to recalibrate my goals and focus and just keep on seeing the positive and things will be different for me.
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