When you are a good person, you are being rewarded. I am just so happy right now. I am living a life where in I am just nice to people although there will be occasional bitchiness, I believe in Karma and to random acts of kindness. I remember in 2009, we were asked by our professor, Ms. Jacinto, what our New Year's resolution was. I told them that since I failed a year ago about my New Year's resolution which is to lose 10 lbs, I will just be getting a New Year's resolution that will benefit not just me but the whole world, if possible.
I was 21 that time and of course, I have seen a lot of things and stopped being idealistic believing that I could save the world and make a huge difference, so I told my professor, that I just want to do acts of random kindness, it may not save a life but who knows, that random act of kindness might change someone's life. I remembered having bad days and just because someone was nice to me or helped me, it made a difference and somehow I felt that I am not alone and that God is just there with me and he has sent someone to make me feel that no man is an island or some kind of shit like that.
The beginning of this year was never kind to me and I have been depressed but I did bounce back. I have learned to be independent and selfless. I started to write down all my goals and started working and focusing on my self.
I learned to be strong and fearless. Studying in UP, they have taught me that I have to have a stand on something and if I have a chance to stand by that, I have to fight for it or at least voice it out. I just did that and I may have lost a friend but it made me realize that true friends will get you and usually you have to make a decision where in you have to remove all the negative energy to make room for positive ones. I remembered most of my energy just go through hating a rude and ill-mannered person but now I just stop caring and my energy is going to things that are more productive for me. It doesn't even bother me to express my hatred to him because I just don't care. He can be mean and be evil, I know in time, he will get what he deserves and I will just let God or whatever take care of him.
I am just so thankful right now because I felt that I am just so lucky. I received a bad news for this week and I was just praying for something to happened and when I just prayed really hard and left everything in God to take care of it, all of a sudden, a miracle just happened.
To be honest, I am not really very diligent in going to church but I pray a lot. I may not be the person who usually kneels down and pray. I am actually less focused whenever I am praying in a very quiet area. I tend to think of my other troubles than speaking and praying to God. I usually pray during my idle time whenever my mind is just blank, like whenever I am commuting to work or having my rest day coffee. I know some religious people will think it's odd or whatever but I don't care, this is how I praise my God and the process that works for me.
I have never been so grateful before. I am just really thankful that He is really taking care of me. I don't want to be weak so I am still thinking that eventually things will be taken away from me so I must not rest on my laurels, do the best that I can and whatever happens, I just have to be brave and strong.
I hope my friends will just be as lucky as I am and also my family. I hope they continue to be safe and healthy. I know lately, I am just so disconnected with my family but I am just not very happy with them and having interactions with them will worsen everything so I decide to disconnect myself until I am feeling better and whatever negative thing that I am feeling right now goes away.
I am grateful to have a complete family but of course, shit happens and sometimes, we are not very happy and we have to disconnect so that things will not worsen. When it comes to my friends, I may not have a lot of friends but I have friends that I can trust, there are people that I know, they are my real friends. I wish them the happiness that they deserve.
For my former friends, I really don't really care. I don't wish you good, I don't wish you bad either. Losing me as a friend, you have lost all the benefits of having me as a friend, you have lost my willingness to protect your feelings and reputation and caring of whatever is happening to your life, you have lost me judging you. I know I am just a lucky bitch and I am not really a saint but I don't get my luck and good karma for doing bad things. People and God knows that I have nothing but good intentions and I may have lost you but for what its worth, I can definitely say that it's worth it. I have less stress and there is more positivity in my life, my life is not an like an episode of 'Is she really going out with him' anymore. I don't have to listen to your pathetic stories and I don't get updates anymore about the shit that guy say about that person making me feel bad vibes, life is just better.
For that person, I hope that person can say the same thing. For all the things that she has lost, my friendship, the little ounce of respect that I had left for her, the chance for a good reputation and better relationship whatever, I hope he's worth it because if not and things don't work out, I don't know what will happen to her and what craziness she will do next.
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